Sunday, July 5, 2009 at10:49 AM
Stress.. Stress.. Stress.. Gah.. =__=... Can't someone just murder me already..? Life's crap right now.. It hurts me so much to see my dad like that.. His condition just keeps worsening.. He might not tell me, but i can see that he's suffering every single second.. Now, there's some sort of scars on his legs.. You know, those kind of scars a diabetic patient would get on his or her leg..?[Yea, my dad's diabetic] According to what i know, if these 'scars' spread around his whole leg, his leg must be amputated.. For those who do not know what amputation is, it is removing a particular body part by surgery.. In this case, the leg.. Hopefully nothing like that would happen to my dad.. I want him to live on.. Be there for me.. I'm not ready to lose him yet.. I'm not ready to lose anyone yet! Then there's my mother.. She too is constantly in pain.. I'm not going to elaborate.. Elaborating will only make my stress level rise.. Then there's my sister.. She's depressed.. Seriously depressed.. She might not show it, but i can see it.. Yet what have i done to help her..? Nothing.. All i can do is talk to her.. That's all.. And i'm just being a nuisance for my parents, what with all the falling down and injuring my hand.. I'm a useless daughter and sister.. What's the point of being in the family when i can't do anything right or make anything right or even just help to make things right..? Come on.. Someone murder me already! Haiz.. Look at me now.. So out of my league.. I was throwing tantrums at my dad again instead of helping him out.. Making him smile.. Guess my mom's starting to see that i'm disturbed about something because yesterday, she let me lay down on her lap.. Something she doesn't do that often la.. Because she's in pain and etc.. But yesterday she herself asked me to lie down on her lap.. I eventually fell asleep.. It felt good.. It still feels good.. But the guilt is overwhelming.. Guilt of being so useless.. *Sigh..*.. I'm going to have my breakfast.. Maggie mee.. So i'll just take off.. Bye bee~!
xoxo
Geetha