Life's such a bitch..

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at5:05 PM

Hey people..

Yea, i'm not exactly in the best mood today.. Life's been being a bitch really.. I'm not gonna go into details so yea.. Well, but i'm warning you, this isn't going to be a oh-so happy post.. I'm gonna be ranting a lot.. So don't say i didn't warn you..

I'm really, really trying to keep my family together.. But everything i do is just firing back against me, you know? SHE thinks i'm selfish and another thinks.. Well, i don't know what she's thinking, but i bet it's not something good.. I just don't get it.. Don't they see how this is affecting me..? Fine, let's not talk about me.. Let's talk about him. He's sick for goodness sake.. And the least we could do to make him forget about his pain is to keep him happy.. Yet look at them.. Being so immature, fighting and fighting.. What are you two fighting about anyway? Don't you see that you're just adding on to his pain? Don't you see that you two are making us depressed too?

When she said that to me i felt so bloody broken.. What else is there for her to say? What else could she say that could make me feel more worse than i already feel? She doesn't care about me anymore? That's what she said.. What's the point of fighting anymore after that and all else that she's said.. What's point of striving to make her proud after those words she threw at me..?

Maybe if i went away life would be better for them? Because i can't help feeling responsible for what's happening.. I mean, if i never existed would they be fighting now? Maybe if i just shut up and never talked again, they would feel better? Make them stop fighting? What is there that i can do to make them stop?

I'm 15.. I'm useless.. I've always been useless, haven't i? Either that or maybe i'm just causing problems.. I'm just making life harder for them, aren't i? I'm just an extra burden on their shoulders, aren't i..?

There's nothing that i can do besides going away for good to stop this.. What other option is there..? I feel so.. So sick.. So depressed.. It hurts so much to see them all hurt and be depressed.. It's a depressing fact that i'm useless and there isn't anything that i can do to make things right.. My life's falling apart.. And so is my _ _ _ _ _ _..

GIVE ME A BREAK DAMN IT. I'M FALLING APART. I'M.. I'M DEPRESSED. I'M SNAPPING. And all they can do is think about how everything's affecting them and how depressed they are.. Look at him.. Don't they pity him? He's stuck in the middle.. He's sick.. Yet he's trying to be strong for me.. For them.. He's going to work despite the physical and emotional torture.. For himself? No. For them and me? Yes.. At least take pity on him.. The least they could do is open their eyes and see.. And everything else will fall into place.. How do i know? It's common sense.. The whole problem's occurring because they are so blind to everything around them..

For once, stop thinking about yourselves and look at us.. For once, think about others rather than just yourself and your own emotions.. For once, make a right decision.. For once, do something right..